When Keepin’ It Real Goes Bad

Bryant Gumbel and the Winter Olympics

When Deceptive Speed (AKA the J-Man) and I put our concept together for this blog, we understood its purpose….Bitchn’!!!! And more specifically, Bitchn’ about the people, places and things that drive us crazy with regards to that ultimate past time – American Sport.

Bitchn’ is what we do in sport. It’s in our nature. It’s who we are.

Some simple examples –

When Pittsburgh won the superbowl (Go Stillers), instead of reveling in victory, we all bitched about the refs and how we were cheated out of a good game.

When Texas won a National Title…same song different verse.

When the Redsox won the World Series….after 80 years of bitchn’, we bitched about not having anything to bitch about. Now ain’t that a bitch?

So, what am I to bitch about now….yo boy, Bryant Gumbel. Did you hear what he said about the winter Olympics? And I QUOTE:

"Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who don’t like them and won’t watch them ... Because they’re so trying, maybe over the next three weeks we should all try too. Like, try not to be incredulous when someone attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing. Try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention. And try not to point out that something’s not really a sport if a pseudo-athlete waits in what’s called a kiss-and-cry area, while some panel of subjective judges decides who won ... So if only to hasten the arrival of the day they’re done, when we can move on to March Madness — for God’s sake, let the games begin."

Brother, Brother, Brother!!!????

Regardless of the fact that I agree with most, NOT ALL, of the things Mr. Gumbel has said, it drives me crazy when my man tries Keepn’ It Real by doubling down on the race card.

Sure, it’s true, it’s easy to play where’s ma nigga-Waldy during the winter games…and sports that my grandmother could dominate are completely un-watchable. Like that game curling – as much as my grandma beat my arss with a broom, she’d be awesome at sweeping away ice. Paaalllleeezz.

But…reality is there are aspects of the Winter Olympics I enjoy.

For example - Pairs Figure Skating. Have you seen the face plants in that sport…same thing with Luge and Bobsledding….Dude, it’s like watchn’ the 3^rd lap of the Daytona 500…A kind of excitement you can only get when there’s death and destruction…Oh yeah, let’s not forget the wipe-outs during the down hill runs….A-W-E-S-O-M-E. Oh, and the best thing about the Winter Olympics – all the new x-games America dominates despite the fact those kids smoked more hash than all the NBA players combined.

But I digress…Yo Boy Bryan….What can one say?

First of all, I have a problem with the disassociation with the original Greek games. Frankly, I don’t want to go back to the days when greased up naked Greek men were wrestling in the dirt. And I don’t believe the Greeks new anything about basketball, softball, or any other sport this country commercially endorses during the summer games.

Second of all, if you don’t think some these folks are great athletes (despite little pink packets of sugar in pockets of the male ice skaters), you try skating for 20 minutes as fast as you can over a 5,000 meter distance, or flying down a mountain at 85 mph. Yes, some of the games might be hokey, or even hockey, but these are athletes.

But, I guess my biggest problem with Bryan is this guy slappin’ down the race card at the turn. Well, because it’s Bryan…Look, he’s been INCOGNEGRO for 3 decades, and now, he’s usin’ the bully pulpit to Keep It Real? This is the boy with memberships to the country club, and he’ll be the first to tell you about all his degrees for journalism….Not to mention the wife who lacks a little pigmentation there, buddy.

To quote the Geico Caveman, Bryan….”Next time, do a little research”