Friday, March 03, 2006

Gutless Mavs Cry "I got Tyson-ed!"


Ya know, at one point last night, I found myself screaming at the TV in the Command Center...during a regular season NBA game. I was shocked but what was probably most shocking was what I was screaming about.

It wasn't Bruce Bowen's perpetual, un-called fouling on Dirk Nowitzki. It wasn't the perpetual, un-called 35 seconds in the lane of Nasir Mohammed.

It was: "OMFG, Dampier! Were you just born a moron or did it take hard work and effort to get to this point?!?!?"
and
"OMFG, Nowitzki! Bowen's giving up four inches and a ton of talent yet you're whining like a little b***ch: 'But, Dick (Bavetta)......he's FOULING me......'"

Dallas went in, just like Barkeley said, pumped and gunning for this game; a playoff atmosphere for Dallas but, for SA, just another day at the office. Could they keep it up, on the road, for four quarters? No, the 'keep-it-up' answer is 3 quarters after which I saw the same tired whiners that I saw last year in Game 6 versus Phoenix.

It's like Avery hasn't coached here at all and I'm transported back in time 6 years, watching Nellie come off the bench and chest thump Karl Malone at mid-court (2nd row for that one, baby!)...like chest thumping Karl Malone was going to help Shawn Bradley's inane play or incessant whining over so-called 'no-calls'??!?

I was disappointed on so many levels and reading Stackhouse's Holmgren-esque whining just makes it worse. Since when is "I got Tyson-ed" (reg required) an excuse for "I played like a bitch in the fourth quarter"? Perhaps Jerry never played 'no-blood-no-foul' street ball like Robert "Six Championship Skins Nailed to My Den Wall" Horry.

Before I went to bed, I made a vow that somehow, someway I would make the Mavericks pay for the nearly 3 hours of my life they made pointless due to the last 12 minutes of that game. Perhaps my deep fascination with the Bulls vs. Pistons series of old gave me too high of hopes for this one but, darnit, I expected better.

5 comments:

LT Sucks said...
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LT Sucks said...
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LT Sucks said...
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LT Sucks said...
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LT Sucks said...

Long time reader, first time poster here. You guys bring a fresh perspective to sports commentary--one that has been absent since Greg LooseAnus retired from the sport of competitive butt diving; namely, the homosexual perspective. Help me out here. I got a $10 bet with my girlfriend as to which one of you is the pitcher and which one of you is the catcher. I bet that the Erkel-looking guy is the pitcher because the other guy looks like a bitch.

As far as your analysis goes, it seems that you possess the insight of someone who's athletic (and sexual) career peaked in 10th grade when you had to climb the rope in gym class. C'mon, didn't you guys go to school to learn something? Like maybe a real school that has a real athletic program. I'm guessing that, at best, you have some shitty BA in some useless discipline like history, government, or journalism from some crappy college that let you walk around the campus sporting a faggot (not that there's anything wrong with it) pony tail or mullet. You probably have so much time on your hands to write this crap because, in all likelihood, you haven't had gainful employment in years.